We swim in a sea of expectations, don’t we? From the moment we can grasp concepts, society, media, even well-meaning loved ones, start painting pictures of what success looks like. It often involves a big house, a fancy title, a certain number in a bank account, or perhaps public recognition. These external markers become the default settings, the accepted benchmarks against which we measure ourselves, and often, each other. But have you ever stopped, truly stopped, amidst the relentless pursuit of these goals, and asked: Is this my definition of success, or am I chasing someone else’s dream?
The problem with inheriting definitions is that they rarely fit perfectly. They are like clothes bought off the rack for a person the designer never met. They might look okay from a distance, but up close, they pinch, they sag, they restrict movement. Living by someone else’s definition of success can feel hollow, leaving you wondering why achieving a long-sought goal brings only fleeting satisfaction, or worse, a sense of emptiness. It’s because the goal wasn’t truly aligned with your core self, with what genuinely makes your spirit sing.
Peeling Back the Layers: Beyond the External
Finding your unique definition of true success is an act of excavation. It requires digging beneath the surface layers of societal conditioning, peer pressure, and ingrained beliefs. It’s about tuning out the noise of the crowd and listening intently to the quieter, often neglected, voice within. This isn’t always easy. That inner voice might be rusty from disuse, drowned out by the clamor for more, better, faster.
Think about moments when you felt genuinely alive, fulfilled, and content. What were you doing? Who were you with? What feelings were present? These moments are clues, breadcrumbs leading you back to your authentic self. Perhaps it was mastering a new skill, losing yourself in a creative project, having a deep conversation with a loved one, helping someone without expecting anything in return, or simply enjoying a quiet moment of peace in nature. These experiences often have little to do with conventional success metrics but are rich in personal meaning.
External validation is seductive. Likes on social media, promotions at work, praise from others – they provide temporary boosts. But relying solely on these is like building your house on shifting sands. True, sustainable fulfillment comes from internal validation, from knowing you are living in alignment with your own values and purpose, regardless of external applause.
Identifying Your North Star: Core Values
At the heart of your personal definition of success lie your core values. These are the fundamental principles that guide your choices and behaviour, the qualities you deem most important in life. They are your internal compass, your North Star. When your actions align with your values, you experience a sense of integrity and authenticity. When they don’t, you feel conflicted, stressed, or dissatisfied.
What are your core values? Take some time to reflect. Here are some possibilities, but the list is endless:
- Creativity
- Connection
- Community
- Learning
- Growth
- Freedom
- Autonomy
- Adventure
- Security
- Stability
- Impact
- Service
- Kindness
- Compassion
- Integrity
- Authenticity
- Inner Peace
- Joy
- Curiosity
Try to narrow down your list to perhaps 3-5 core values that resonate most deeply. These aren’t just nice ideas; they are the bedrock upon which you can build a life that feels genuinely successful to you. For instance, if ‘Creativity’ is a core value, a life definition focused solely on climbing a rigid corporate ladder might ultimately feel stifling, even if financially rewarding. Success, for you, must incorporate regular outlets for creative expression.
Crafting Your Personal Success Statement
Once you have a clearer sense of your values and what brings you genuine fulfillment, you can start crafting your own definition of success. This isn’t about writing a perfect, immutable manifesto. It’s more like sketching a living blueprint, one that can adapt and evolve as you do. Your definition might not be a single sentence; it could be a paragraph, a series of statements, or even a collection of guiding principles.
Consider these prompts:
- What does a ‘successful’ day feel like for me, beyond just checking off tasks?
- What kind of impact do I want to have on the people around me and the world?
- What skills or knowledge do I want to cultivate?
- What kind of relationships do I want to nurture?
- How important are experiences versus possessions?
- What does ‘enough’ look like for me?
- When I look back on my life, what do I want to be proud of?
Write down your thoughts freely, without judgment. Let your definition reflect what truly matters. It might look something like: “True success for me means living authentically according to my values of connection, learning, and creativity. It involves nurturing deep relationships, constantly seeking new knowledge and experiences, expressing myself creatively, and maintaining a sense of inner peace, even amidst challenges.” Or perhaps: “Success is feeling like I’ve made a positive difference, however small, each day. It’s about contributing my skills meaningfully, treating others with kindness, and having the freedom to explore my curiosities.”
Important Note: This process is deeply personal. Resist the urge to compare your definition or your journey to anyone else’s. Your path is unique, and your definition of success should reflect your individual values, passions, and circumstances. Comparison is the thief of joy and authenticity in this pursuit.
Living Your Definition: From Concept to Reality
Defining success is a powerful first step, but the real magic happens when you start living it. This means consciously aligning your daily choices, actions, and goals with your personal definition. It requires ongoing awareness and intentionality.
If ‘Connection’ is key, how can you prioritize quality time with loved ones? If ‘Learning’ is central, how can you integrate opportunities for growth into your routine? If ‘Inner Peace’ is paramount, what practices (like mindfulness, time in nature, setting boundaries) can you adopt? It doesn’t necessarily mean making drastic overnight changes. Often, it’s about small, consistent shifts that steer your life closer to your chosen North Star.
This also involves learning to say ‘no’. Saying ‘no’ to opportunities, requests, or expectations that don’t align with your definition of success creates space for the things that do. It protects your energy and reinforces your commitment to living authentically.
Embracing the Evolving Journey
Your definition of success is not set in stone. Life changes, you evolve, your priorities shift. What felt vitally important in your twenties might feel less significant in your forties or sixties. Regularly revisit your definition. Does it still resonate? Does it need adjusting? This ongoing reflection is part of the process.
Furthermore, understand that pursuing personal success isn’t about achieving a state of constant bliss or perfection. It’s about the journey itself – the growth, the learning, the striving towards what matters most. There will be setbacks, challenges, and moments of doubt. That’s normal. Success, defined personally, often includes resilience, the ability to navigate difficulties while staying true to your values, and the grace to learn from missteps.
The Ultimate Reward: An Authentic Life
Ultimately, defining your own success is an act of empowerment. It’s reclaiming your narrative from external pressures and writing your own story based on what gives your life meaning, purpose, and joy. It frees you from the comparison trap and allows you to celebrate your unique path. The reward isn’t necessarily a specific outcome, but the profound satisfaction of living a life that feels true, authentic, and deeply, uniquely yours. It’s about looking in the mirror and knowing that the life you are building reflects the person you truly are and aspire to be. That, perhaps, is the most genuine success of all.
